“You need to increase your happiness threshold,” my Acupuncturist said to me as she poked me with a tiny needle that made me feel like she was stabbing me with a knife. I actually go to her because I love talking to her. If I got it my way I would skip the needles lay on my back and talk.
I don’t consider myself a pessimist but I must admit that I have trouble being fully happy. I always look for the broken piece. A part of me believes it’s due to the fact that I’ve never trusted people that make their life sound like they have it all together and another part of it is I’m afraid of the impermanence of happiness. It’s as if I’m always slightly prepared for chaos and that gives me a false sense of security. This was one of the reasons why finding a partner became so hard for me. I kept pushing away the good guys because I was afraid of losing them.
This might not make sense to most of you. You might be logically thinking “well why not enjoy it while it lasts?” Because after much thought on this subject I came to the conclusion that happiness along with any other emotion requires us to be completely vulnerable. The only way to fully experience our lives and stop hiding from them is by being remarkably open and curious to what is showing up. Some of us are more used to the language of fear and some people can only relate to happiness. But wherever you fall under this spectrum the only way not to be dragged and drained by life is by saying YES to whatever shows up.
Yes to happiness, yes to pain, yes to the good, yes to the bad, yes to anxiety, fear, and depression, yes to love kindness and compassion. You can’t pick and choose there needs to be a full embrace of the whole spectrum of emotions. That is how you find your wholeness. It’s as if you open your house to every homeless on the street and instead of just approaching the ones that feel familiar you simply let them all come and go without judgment.
I never thought that saying yes to happiness could be hard. Isn’t that what we all strive for? Don’t we all want to be happy? Well apparently some of us need to learn to embrace it. What feeling or emotion do you have a hard time opening up to?